The Flippin' Speaker Phone and Other Reasons to Live Alone

I'm a nervous tenant, skulking around, trying to avoid my housemate/landlord and the only causes I can think of to which I attribute my behavior are a few past living experiences. I'm immediately on the defensive when my name is called, ready to explain some anomaly or why my living room is so messy and instead of an attack it's usually an offer of baked chicken or the latest movie from Netflix. My best guess is that it goes back to a previous housemate who caught me to talk one day and then lectured me about a few things, the two most unreasonable being that my food was taking up too much room in the refrigerator and that I was walking on the front lawn and killing the grass. Neither of those were true. I took responsibility for my dishes that were left in the sink too long, and I also made a phone call - minutes later - to find myself new living arrangements.

Lately, in addition to being on the defensive, I'm also spending a lot of time wishing I lived alone. Turns out the best roommate for me is my cat, and even he gets under my skin sometimes. I'm noise sensitive so living on the lower level and hearing every step across the house is just the beginning. Then there is the blasting television volume, the sighs, grunts, and self-talk. All perfectly acceptable if you live alone but hey, I'm still down here! The worst of it, not from volume, but rather principle, is the use of speaker phone. What a gift on the nights that I get to hear BOTH sides of his conversations. Normally he's bellowing advice or gossip into the phone but on some occasions he puts the phone on speaker, sets it down to do other chores and yells across the room to his girlfriend, sister, or whoever is the lucky recipient. The best was the night I heard him tell his sister, "I'm going to put you on speaker phone okay? Don't worry there is no one else here, just you and me."

I've gotten some good laughs from overheard conversations, but I can get rival stories from most public places. It's time for me to move on.